Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I party with great urgency now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
