Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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