Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it was like eating out sand paper
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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