Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
