Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
