You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
