fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
