i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
