Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
