I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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