she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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