Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
