are you so shy because you have an std?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
