Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
