Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
