You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
