Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
