Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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