Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
