god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
