Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
