Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i dont even know how to be here
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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