do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
