I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
