This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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