girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
