I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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