You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
