i permit you to call me
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
