i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
