my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
