I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
this hospital has no fireball
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
