lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
