Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
