i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
