nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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