Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
