Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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