he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
