i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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