I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
