And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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