the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
