i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
