Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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