i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
