the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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