Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm like, not good at living.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
