she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
