If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
