dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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